Apologise to your spouse

           

Check your marriage and weigh the expectations of your spouse side by side with the best of achievements you can make as a human being to make your spouse happy. You would discover that there are many reasons for apology.

Cast your mind back to your wedding day and the positive plans you had for your spouse even before the wedding. As a husband, you married a wife that you planned to buy a choice car for. But years after wedding, she is still jumping from one commercial vehicle to an­other. You had the dream of a wife that would wear the best of jewelleries and clothes courtesy of your funding. Years after wedding, she still wears just any­thing that she can afford with her own earnings.

On your wedding day, you took to the altar an unemployed wife that you planned to establish a business for; a business you dreamt would after estab­lishment, grow into something big. But years after wedding, she is still jobless and idle. In fact, she has of recent, given up on waiting for your promise. She now writes applications to organisations, re­questing to do for them, just any job and get out of idleness.

You even promised her during wed­ding that you would send a certain amount of money or quantity of gifts to her parents on a regular basis. But af­ter the honeymoon period, you have re­neged on this promise and you have not sent anything after a long time, though your business has been doing well and your career has been favourable. I could go on and on with your many offenc­es. Your inability to achieve the above, might not have been your own making. It is even easy for you to claim that you are doing your best as a husband after all.

Your wife is not complaining because she is a godly, understanding and re­sponsible woman. But don’t you think you owe her an apology? You even owe God an apology too!

As a wife, you promised your husband before wedding using both action and words, that you would be a good wife and that he would never regret taking you to the altar or registry.

Today, he eats out most of the time. Most times, he cooks for himself not nec­essarily because you are sick or have any career constraints to meeting up with your marital responsibilities, but because you don’t just care about his feeding.

Contrary to your promise to obey and respect him as your husband, you now talk to him just like any other man on the streets. You even offer respect to oth­er men of lower status than your hus­band. You have refused to understand that there is a difference between ‘my husband’ and ‘this man.’ In fact, you ar­gue with him on virtually every decision he takes as the head of your home. You disobey and disrespect him even in the presence of your children.

You make demands for material things that cost much more than his income. This has affected him emotionally to the extent that it is telling on his health and office duties or business. You even make monetary demands as a condition for sex­ual pleasure! Your husband is not complaining aloud because he is a godly, understanding and responsible man. But don’t you think you owe him and your God an apology?

In case you are wondering what I am driving at, for a husband and a wife that have agreed to live the rest of their lives together, so many offences have been, and are still being committed against each other either by acts of omission or commission. What this calls for is delib­erate rendition of apologies through both attitudes and utterances. It therefore be­comes confusing and laughable when someone finds it difficult to say ‘sorry’ to his or her spouse that expresses dis­pleasure over a particular action or of­fence committed by the person.

Brother, Sister, your relationship is more important than your ego. If your spouse is really your friend, your spouse should feel free to express to you, his or her feelings concerning your actions or utterances – pleasant or unpalatable.

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trust­ed but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Prov­erbs 27:5-6).

Your spouse should be the only person that can tell you the truth about any issue involving you without a resultant quarrel. If you cannot trust your spouse’s rebuke or counsel, it could be that your spouse has a problem of unreliability or communi­cation method. It could also be that you both need the help of a marriage counsel­lor. If you have a spouse that supports or encourages your sinful or criminal activ­ities or behaviours, the trueness of your friendship is doubtful.

If you have been in a marriage or pre-marital relationship for years and you have never been wrong; if you believe you are always right after a quarrel with your spouse and you are always the one that de­serves sorry, you are simply an emotion­al blackmailer, full of ego and self. Your relationship is just an experiment and if Jesus Christ is not invited to intervene in this matter, you might end up with a very bitter lesson – divorce or separation could be imminent.

No human being of flesh and blood is always right in a conflict; you can be wrong sometimes. In such situations, all you need to do is to apologize. It does not reduce who you are or make you who you are not.

However, “I am sorry” can become meaningless and look fraudulent when you keep apologising over and over be­cause you keep repeating the same offence without making efforts to change. If you keep failing the same exam over and over again, what will you think about yourself? That is what the person you keep giving the same hurt starts feeling about you af­ter several deliberate repetitions.

In a quarrel between a couple, the first to apologise is the bravest; the first to for­give is the greatest.

Authority