British grandmother Lindsay Sandiford, 58, is facing death by firing squad after Indonesia announced that its next batch of executions will be in secret – and with no advance warning.
Sandiford, sentenced to death for smuggling cocaine into Bali in 2012, is now the last prisoner on death row on the island’s Kerobokan jail after eight other inmates – including her close friend Andrew Chan – were executed on Wednesday.
Here, in her own words, Sandiford tells how she has started to write goodbye letters as she faces up to the gruesome prospect of facing a firing squad…
My execution is imminent and I know I might die at any time now. I could be taken tomorrow from my cell in Bali to Nusa Kambangan – the place they call Execution Island – and given 72 hours’ notice before I am put in front of a firing squad.
I am now the only prisoner left on death row in Kerobokan and the Indonesian government says it wants to execute everyone given the death penalty for drug crimes before the end of 2015 – and that there will be no clemency.
The day of my death came closer on Wednesday with the execution in Nusa Kambangan of eight prisoners, including my dear friend Andrew Chan. Andrew had helped me through some dark times in Kerobokan after I was first given the death penalty.
The Indonesian Attorney General’s office said last week there will be no warning before the next round of executions and the timing will be kept secret.
That means I will be taken straight from my cell to Execution Island and then given three days’ notice of execution. The list for the next round of executions is already being drawn up.
That is why, this weekend, I have started to write goodbye letters to members of my family.
I am out of time to apply for clemency and I have no funds to appeal against my death sentence, so the authorities can simply assume I accept my sentence.
It is terrifying. They have already executed 14 people this year and they are not going to stop until all of us are dead. The situation is so volatile. That’s why I have to make my preparations now.
The night they shot Andrew last week was heartbreaking. It was very quiet in the prison because everyone knew what was going to happen. I sat in the kitchen area of my cell with the door shut.
Messages were passed to the prison through the night. I didn’t sleep a wink.
I kept wishing there could be some sort of reprieve, but I didn’t believe there would be. Everyone kept trying to tell me, ‘There’s still hope’, but I knew in my heart there wasn’t.
As they were marched to a jungle clearing with the firing squad, the eight of them sang Amazing Grace and then they sang 10,000 Reasons – Andrew’s favourite song – before they were shot. He taught them all to sing it, bless him.
The executions have forced me to think about how I am going to handle the situation when my own time comes.
I won’t wear a blindfold. It’s not because I’m brave but because I don’t want to hide – I want them to look at me when they shoot me.
I’ll sing too, but not Amazing Grace. I’ll sing Magic Moments by Perry Como. I had a boyfriend who used to change the lyrics of songs and play them on his Hammond organ to make me laugh.
That was one of the songs he sang and it reminds me of those long-ago days.
One thing I’m sure about is I don’t want the macabre circus that went on last week in Nusa Kambangan. The prisoners’ families were publicly humiliated while they waited for the executions to take place. The pictures of them crying in anguish are absolutely horrendous.
I would dearly love to see my family, of course, but I wouldn’t subject them to that. I don’t want any of my family to be there and I don’t want a spiritual adviser because I haven’t turned to God.
I’m not a religious person. I try to do the right thing by everybody, and I try to keep on an even keel and be kind. My biggest sadness is that I may never meet my granddaughter. She’s two years and five months old and she was born after my arrest.
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